Control Is A Reflex Of Fear
It may make us feel strong but it’s rarely a sustainable solution.
Control may stop my three-year-old from her meltdown over not being able to eat ice cream for breakfast but it doesn’t teach resilience or better food choices.
Control drives us to push forward at all costs, afraid to delegate, until the overload ends in burnout.
Control keeps us from letting an employee do a task 80% as well as we might, even though that’s still good enough.
Control allows authoritarian movements to take root by promising safety and structure in exchange for personal freedoms.
Control may feel effective in the moment but it’s rarely a viable long term solution.
So what is the alternative?
When we seek control, I suspect many of us are actually trying to cultivate greater awareness and discipline within ourselves.
Awareness and discipline offer a much sturdier foundation on which to build.
Awareness keeps us connected to reality and discipline gives us the structure to live within it.
They are tools that help us create routines like sensible bedtimes and healthy dietary choices. This structure provides our children with the regulation they can’t yet create on their own.
Discipline gives us the fortitude to get on our yoga mat, or to the pool or gym, while awareness tells us when to stay in bed a little longer, listening to the early morning birdsongs in freshly laundered sheets.
Awareness reminds us that a business is a living organism, powered by individuals with their own thoughts and ambitions. When we are disciplined in aligning these individual and organizational needs, the business becomes more resilient.
Awareness helps us recognize when the system is broken but discipline allows us to create our own path instead of letting it break us.
Control is brittle and unsustainable.
Awareness and discipline are enduring.
